Let's Talk About Farts (and Winning) at the Poker Table

Online poker is superior to real poker when it comes to one very particular element - smell.

You don’t have any live interaction with the other players.

Given how bad some of them play you must assume they also have problems with their personal hygiene as well.

In live poker it’s very apparent that some players lack in that department. Or maybe they just don’t care. The end result is all the same.

Not Excuse to Smell Like Garbage

Poker is a mentally challenging game. When the waves ride high you can get that special “poker sweat."

Matusow would agree.

I can't explain it biologically but it's definitely something more than just ordinary sweat. It has a bitter and intensive smell that curls your nose hairs.

But that's not an excuse to show up at the poker table smelling like garbage from the start.

There is a rule against profane language that most players feel is reasonable but a terrible smell is much worse. I’m sure Mike Matusow would agree.

There is a rule against smelling bad now after one guy used his “lucky shirt” back-to-back-to-back etc. in a deep run at the WSOP Main Event a few years back.

Maybe part of his luck was that he made his opponents pass out so they couldn’t defend their blinds.

I would like the rule to be much stricter and also actually enforced by Tournament Directors. A penalty of a round seems perfect - enough time to hit the restroom for some water and soap.

That’s all it takes. But some people seem allergic or something.

Clouds of Special Smoke Everywhere

Bad breath can be a killer, too. Maybe it’s too much to ask of a TD to do breath controls but I would like to see them force-feed mint gum to the inconsiderate and/or clueless offenders.

Bluff inducer.

Many young guns seem to think that marijuana goes excellent with poker. There are clouds of that special smoke everywhere outside the Rio Convention Center at that time of the year.

I almost called the floor once when a kid got back from a break and oozed marijuana. I felt dizzy and that was obviously why I made a bad bluff that knocked me out. Irritatingly enough, he was the one who made the hero call.

Cigarette smokers stink too. They're just not aware of it. I see no reason why they should be allowed to stink like that just because so many others stink. And they've been allowed to stink all their adult life.

I would much rather have someone passing insults my way than passing stink. What I hate most about the WSOP - after the rake - is that they've put the designated smoking area in front of the main entrance.

Put them somewhere else so we can enter and exit without some inconsiderate bastard blowing smoke in our faces.

Higher you play, better it smells.

It Smells Worse at $3/$6 Limit

Let's talk about farts. At the poker table they're almost exclusively the silent kind but nonetheless no kinder to your senses.

There should definitely be a penalty for dropping a stink bomb under the table. But to prove it is practically impossible.

A lot of times you have a good sense of whom the responsible party is but the poker world shouldn’t be a world where people are punished without proof.

Yes, the big favorite is the 250lb hairy gorilla you saw coming from the buffet. But don’t rule out the old lady trying to look innocent.

Taking care of your hygiene and being a winning poker player seem to go hand in hand. I promise you that it smells worse over at $3/$6 Limit Hold'em compared to the high-limit area.

It makes sense. If you're aware of how you smell and make an effort to not attack your fellow man with stink, it's a sign of awareness and emotional IQ.

Those are great attributes for a poker player aiming to win.

About Ken Lennaárd:

Sweden's most controversial poker blogger Ken Lennaárd has been around the professional poker circuit for almost 20 years. Among his numerous accomplishments are Swedish Championships both live and online, three WSOP final tables and over $1.5m in live earnings. He's now bringing his singular poker voice to the English world via PokerListings.com. Look for new posts every Monday, Wednesday and Friday.

Note: Opinions expressed in this blog are those of the author and do not represent the views of PokerListings.com.